Halloween 2008

The month of October started out full of promise and plans. We had something scheduled every weekend, and usually 3 or 4 things every weekend, and even some nights during the week! Florida is full of festivals and parties and fairs and parks and events, all during the month of October. Well, I should have known better than to plan, coz right when I did, everything fell apart.

We went to our church’s pumpkin patch early in the month, and got one of the biggest pumpkins out there, as well as a wagon full of different gords and little pumpkins. Mom and Dad went with us, and it was a great night: not too hot, lots of pumpkins, everyone in a good mood, a bounce house to jump in and wagons to ride in.

We got the house decorated for Halloween. Did most of it in one day, actually, when Austin and Andrew took long naps. Alex helped, of course, which basically means he dragged junk out of the storage boxes and trailed everything all through the house until he got bored with it, and then back out to the garage it was for digging around in another box! But, we did it. The house was officially Haunted. Skeletons, pumpkins, tombstones, The Grim Reaper, witches, pirates, cobwebs, candles, bones, ghosts, spiders, skulls, scarecrows, mummies, bats, you name it! We had it...and it usually glowed, shook, rattled, lit up, moaned, hissed, spit, made noises and heaven forbid I forget, the boys’ favorites, which is the array of singing, dancing Halloween Chickens and Dancing Frankensteins and One-Eyed, One-Horned, Flying Purple People Eaters that the boys kept pressing the ON button EVERY SINGLE WAKING MOMENT DURING THE LONG, 31-DAY MONTH OF OCTOBER!

Anyways, with the house decorated, it was off to the party store to get costumes. My only rule about Halloween costumes has been that for the babies first year, they had to be a little pumpkin. Each one of them was a little pumpkin on their first year. After that, they get to choose. I thought, or I imagined, that my trio of boys would choose cowboys, Indians, Batman, Spiderman, or something along those lines. Nope. Not my crew! The scarier, the better. Alex was a ghost, Austin was Frankenstein, and Andrew a little devil! Actually, sounds about perfect, doesn’t it?

So we went to our first Halloween activity, the Newberry Corn Maze. It was a lot of fun, and Alex, Austin and Mommy got our picture in our local newspaper for it! It was not too scary at all...it had the corn maze, of course, which Alex loved, and a hay ride through the farm to see cows (which Alex could care less about because he saw A TRACTOR! OH MY GOSH, MOMMY, A TRACTOR! And I had to take a picture of it, of course) , it had chickens, and goats and a spooky town, and we had a picnic with a big group of friends, took a mini-tractor ride through spooky town, did a pumpkin rolling contest, and just spent a wonderful afternoon with a bunch of families having a wonderful time!

Once home, all three boys went down for a nap. Pete had to run to Home Depot, and I was so looking forward to about an hour of quiet time all by myself. I fixed a sandwich and was just sitting down to watch a Lifetime Television Movie when I heard, “Mommy?” And I could tell my the sound of his voice it wasn’t gonna be good. I ran back and sure enough, Alex was sick. This is where is gets really scary at our house, because the poor child had upchucked EVERYWHERE. Big, red, goopy barf covered my bed and floor. Must have been the red cupcakes we’d eaten at the corn maze. That, and some corn. Yuck. Five separate places the poor baby threw up...all over himself and his shoes and just everywhere. So I got him cleaned up and calmed down and settled him in the den, so I could go back and clean up the bedroom. I was back there for about 30 minutes with my buckets and rags and cleansers, and when I finished and came up front to the den, poor Alex had thrown up eight more times in the kitchen and the den. This poor child was sick in a whole new kind of way of being sick. It was awful. He ended up barfing only about 3 more times that night, and only a few times the next day, but he was red hot and feverish, so by Monday morning, he was at the doctor’s office right away.

Diagnosis? The very beginning of pneumonia. The gave him a B-12 shot and an antobiotic shot to jump start his treatment, and he had to do a 10 day round of oral antibiotics and albuterol nebulizer breathing treatments, 3 times a day! What a sport he was about it, though. And how sad and pitiful he looked, all tired eyes and pale and with that mask on his face! But he was brave about it, and by the end of his 10 days of treatment, he was even fighting us about taking the treatments.

So, I know this is going to be a shock to you all, but guess what? I got sick then, too. I had influenza. And you know I’m really, really sick when I call in to work and even go to the doctor because I’m so sick. And did I happen to mention: I was sick? I went on a 10 day round of antobiotics and breathing treatments and you’ve never seen anything as pitiful as Alex and Momma hooked up to our machines at night, breathing. Our house looked like a hospital ward...pills and upchuck and breathing masks everywhere.

So the last night of my breathing treatment, I stayed home while Pete took the boys to our church’s trick or treat Fall festival. The church bulletin had said it was from 5 - 8 PM, and with me still weak and Andrew now coming down with something, we actually did not get Alex and Austin ready (in their costumes) until about 6:30 PM. I figured it was still enough time to get them there to enjoy a few games and activities. Off they go, but sadly, when they got there, it was all closed up and gone. The church bulletin had misprinted the time, but since we had not gone to actual church that morning (what with me being sick and all), we had missed the announcement with the correct times. That was a bummer....both boys, all dressed up with their little pumpkin pails, and they were so excited to trick or treat at church with their little friends...but no one and nothing was there. Pete felt so bad for them, he ended up taking them to Walgreens drug store and let them walk the candy aisle and pick out some candy, all tricked out in their ghost and Frankenstein costumes. And when they got home and I found out, I just felt so bad I burst into tears. We had missed the Gators homecoming parade, the Silver Springs Fall Festival, the Cedar Key fall festival, the County Fair and the Elks Halloween party...all because of being sick....and now this. I just cried and cried that night...I felt worthless as a mother.

Well, we managed to get at least Alex to the annual pumpkin carving party that we attend at our friends, Greg and Michelle’s house. Andrew by this time was really sick....double ear infection. So we carved our pumpkin with our friends and Alex made some new friends there, and Greg always makes fresh, from scratch, homemade pumpkin pies and pumpkin bread at the party, as well as candied apples and popcorn. YUM! We had such a great time, and Alex fell asleep coming home with his candied apple in his lap!

The next morning, Alex was in the Halloween parade at school. He fought us on going, Lord knows why because I don’t. But he fought us tooth and nail, more so than he regularly does about going to school. We explained to him what a parade was, and told him that he would get to wear his ghost costume to school for the parade, and we were taking cookies to share with the class, but still: he didn’t want to go. I finally got it out of him that he didn’t want to wear his costume, because he did not want his friends to be afraid of him all dressed up as a ghost! How sweet: he was worried about scaring his friends! It was a rough morning getting him dressed and to class, but we did it, dropped him off and waited outside for the parade to begin, silently praying the whole time that he wouldn’t have a gigantic, screaming, Alex-sized meltdown during the parade. And what do you think happened? He was the first in line for the parade, a huge, Cheshire-cat grin on his face, beaming for the whole world to see, and holding the hand of a younger, smaller classmate dressed up as a puppy! Alex stole the show! Our very own ghost!

And we managed to do Halloween night, with Momma here even making her homemade, from scratch, Pumpkin- Chocolate Chip Muffins! Another YUM! Austin was funny....he thought when you went door to door trick or treating, that when the people held out their bowls of candy, that you were supposed to take a piece from your bag to put in their bowl! No, Austin, you take a piece of candy....he finally got it! It was fun and relatively relaxing, considering all the chaos and sickness of the month. We trick or treated around the neighborhood, came home to EAT CANDY, and even actually got the babies in bed at their regular time. So there you have our Halloween madness for 2008. Hard to believe that was a year ago!

Andrew's First Birthday

We arrived in Orlando around 9:30 PM. We stayed at the same condo complex as we did back in May...only this time, our condo was right by a big pond. We unpack and the boys, naturally, are wired and stayed up until around midnight. But this time, we expected that...so we knew to just go with the flow. The only really remarkable thing about our first night, other than the ridiculously late hour at which the boys went to bed, was that after dinner, Pete and the boys all got gas. I don't know from what, and why it didn't happen in the van on the way down (Thank God), but as soon as everyone got inside and started running around, they all got gassy. Pete, too. Even baby Andrew chimed in with a few tiny toots of his own. Must be a guy thing. And I said as much to Pete, or, to be exact, I complained in an exasperated tone, "what IS it with you all? Why are all of you doing this to me?" To which Alex replied, after overhearing me, "Mom, we can't help it...we're guys....we just fart!"

The next morning dawned cloudy and overcast. It pretty much rained all day, so we stayed in, after a run to Super Walmart to stock up on some food. Then, late afternoon, the rain stopped. It stayed overcast and cloudy, but it did stop raining long enough for us to go see "Sea World After Dark". We got there and everyone was in a good mood and feeling OK, but Austin seemed a little....off. Just not quite himself. Well, the highlight of the evening was Shamu Rocks, which is the after dark Shamu show. So we stand in line, finally make our way to the gate, and the 5 of us are huddled there, kind of squished up against the people in front of us in line. Alex is standing, Pete has Andrew and I"m holding Austin. All of a sudden, there is an explosion of....something. It landed on me, on Alex's head, on Austin, and on the woman and man in front of us in line. It looked like....bird poop. Where did it come from? We look up, we look around, we're all grossed out, and then....here it comes again. Oh my gosh, it's Austin! He's just puked all over everyone! Everyone starts freaking out, grossing out, shouting out....and I, of course, help matters a lot by just hollering, "oh, it's Austin....he's throwing up!" I don't know why I said it out loud so loud like that. I just sort of shot out of me, just like poor Austin. So everyone clears out. We take our 3 and head back over to the strollers and clean up as best we can. There's really not much you can do in those situations...just roll with the punches, I guess. At least when we got back in line, the gate area where we had been standing when Austin threw up was now all cleared out and empty. I guess that's one way to get through a crowd really fast!

So immediately after throwing up, Austin feels just fine. He's back to his old self. I guess the turkey leg he'd had for dinner just didn't agree with him. Once it cleared his belly, he was good as new. So we rocked out with Shamu, then went to see the polar bear and walrus and whale exhibit. We saw the turtles, the otters and sea lions (where I distinctly recognized the sound of my own home and my own children at that very rowdy, very loud, screeching, squealing, squawking, arfing exhibit) and ended the night at Alex's favorite place: the shark and sting ray exhibit. It sort of spooked him this time, because we were the only ones in there, as it was closing time. And it was sort of spooky, dark outside, rainy, and here are all these sharks, giving us the evil eye......chills.

After a few minutes of catching the fireworks display over the bayside, we said good night to SeaWorld. We headed back to the condo and had a late night dinner of pizza and sandwiches.

We also took some time this weekend to celebrate a big day for Andrew: his first birthday! Hard to believe he was already one year old! We got him cupcakes....green ones. He loved them! Happy Birthday, Andrew!

The next day dawned much clearer, but with one miserable drawback: Alex was running a fever. My poor baby was sick. He didn't have a cough, sore throat, ear ache, runny, stuffy or snotty nose...just a fever. And he was very lethargic. He napped a lot that day...we all did. By late afternoon, he was feeling a little better. We went over to the hot tub, to the play ground, and the best of all: the little lake by our condo. Pete had gone to Wal Mart and got Alex his first fishing pole, and we spend some time fishing there. Alex caught his very first fish! And a big one at that. Pete taught him how to cast the line, and the look on Alex's face when he first understood what it meant when he felt a pull on his line, and then to reel it in and viola! His very first fish! He caught a lot of fish that day. He'd catch them and then toss them back in. To be honest, it really wasn't much of a challenge for him. The pond was loaded with fish. Every line he cast, he caught something. But it didn't take long for my poor baby to get tired of the heat and the humidity. So we went back to the condo and never did get to Sea World that day, or anywhere else for that matter. Alex ended up throwing up a few times, and with all the kids tired and lethargic, Pete and I ended up watching an all day marathon of Law and Order while the kids slept. That was a huge change for us: no Scooby-Doo, no Sponge Bob, no Dora the Explorer. Real, adult television.

The next day, Alex's fever was completely gone. He had thrown up again a few times in the middle of the night. But he felt much better that morning and insisted on going fishing again with his dad, where they caught a few more fish. Then it was off to Sea World for a few hours that afternoon. But Alex was still a little weak from the fever, so we didn't stay long. He tired easily that day and we headed home that afternoon. All in all, it was a good trip...even it was what could now be referred to as "the birthday/vomit weekend"! Good times, huh?

INDEPENDENCE DAY - 2008

We celebrated July 4th, in big style as always. We took off Thursday after I got home from work. The 2-hour trip to Tampa took about 3 hours. We got to our hotel around 9PM. We were prepared for the boys to get all excited and knew it was hopeless to try to put them to bed right away, so we let them stay up and horse around while we unpacked. We did NOT expect them to still be up and wired and running around and playing and carrying on after 1:00 in the morning, however. Those boys would not settle down. And the real problem was Andrew! He would not let his big brothers sleep. He would pick at their feet, pull the sheets on the bed, grab their fingers and hands, crawl all around, bellow out; in general, make a bunch of noise and mess and would not go to sleep! Even Alex was ready to give it up at this point, but the baby would have none of that sleeping nonsense.

So the next morning, after about only 2 hours of combined sleep, the boys were up and raring to go before 7AM. We went to breakfast, which was such a catastrophe I nearly cried. Alex wanted peach yogurt, demanded peach yogurt, and I hate to say no to him when it's something healthy, so he got peach yogurt. Problem is: Andrew is severely allergic to peaches, so I needed to make sure the peach yogurt was not where it could be grabbed and gobbled up by Andrew, and end up in the emergency room on our vacation weekend (he's THAT allergic). So I put Alex next to Austin with his yogurt, and Andrew across and away on the other side of the table. That was my first mistake. Austin grabbed the yogurt and dumped it out and smeared it all over his face, all over his chest and down to his belly, legs, and his booster chair. Sticky, peach yogurt.
Next mistake. Trying to eat pancakes. Put a plate of eggs, sausage and pancakes on the table for Alex and Austin. Grabbed a couple of small containers of syrup. Set them down on the table. Turned my back for 3 SECONDS to get something and what happens? Austin opened the container of syrup, pours it down behind him, between his back and the chair, so it's now all over his back, stuck to his clothes and the nicely upholstered chair, and then he leans back and wiggles into his chair, just to make sure it's all squished and smeared over every possible inch of himself and the chair. Just wonderful.

Next: Alex spills orange juice and milk, and then dumps lemon wedges into what's left of his peach yogurt. I'm ready to scream, the hotel staff come over to compliment me on how cute the boys look (they are all in stars and stripes hats and outfits for the 4th of July). I try to stay calm, Pete takes over and tells me to go to another table, sit down and EAT! Great idea! I get a plate and start filling it. Alex feels sorry for me sitting alone and asks if he can come sit with me. OK, I say. He sits across from me. I see a lady go by with a plate filled with a fresh made waffle (not the yucky, stuck-in-a-steamer pancakes, not frozen waffles heated in a toaster, but real, from scratch, fresh waffles), and I decide that's what I want for breakfast. I fix my waffle, add strawberries and whipped cream to it. I set my plate on the table across from Alex and go back for silverware. My helpful, loving, caring son decides that the strawberries and whipped cream just are not enough for Mommy's waffles and, while I was up from my chair, dear, dear Alex decides to add his own ingredient to my breakfast: a HUGE helping of pepper, as in the whole pepper shaker! Right on my waffle and strawberries and whipped cream! I decide breakfast is done at this point. I'll just eat a granola bar.

So we go back to our room and get cleaned up and dressed for what is now the second time this day, and it's only 9AM. Around 9:30 AM, after getting back from the store, our company arrives: Andrew's birth mother (Casey) and her family: her mom, Lorraine (grandma 'Rain), her brother Matt, her uncle Benny, and Casey's 94-year-old great-grandmother, who is Andrew's great-great grandmother, from Italy, known simply as "Granny". My parents and Aunt Boo-boo join us around 11:00 and we spent the day swimming in the pool, and lounging in the room, having holiday bar-b-q from Sonny's, and just generally having a great time. The boys, of course, put on quite the show, just horsing around and running in circles and dancing and chattering. It was quite the honor and blessing to meet Casey's great-grandmother, and she was so thrilled to meet her first great-great grandchild. Of course, we'd met and spent time with Casey and her mom and stepdad and brother last summer when Andrew was born, and for a couple of short day trips to Busch Garden this Spring, but we really got a chance to spend quality time together over the weekend and I have to tell you: Alex has a huge crush on Casey. He calls her "my Case" and loves to smell her feet (a true sign of true love on Alex's part)!

Here is one example of how accepting Casey's family are of all my boys (not just Andrew). It was mid-afternoon and Alex still had his swim trunks on. He and I had gone to the hotel lobby so I could use the computer and look something up on the internet. While in the lobby, Alex pooped his swim trunks. We headed back to the room and Casey's granny had to leave, so Casey's mom was taking her home. I wanted to speak to speak to Granny a little before she left, and thank her for the presents she brought. But I desperately needed to get Alex cleaned up, and was trying to be delicate and discreet, instead of just saying, "Alex pooped, hang on a minute!" Well, the bathroom was kind of small and had no room to change and clean Alex, and the living room/kitchen area certainly was not appropriate, so I had to change him in the vanity/closet area. Again, I was trying to have some dignity, for myself and for Alex in this whole thing, and didn't want to be just all out gross in changing his swim trunks. But they just had to be changed right away. So we're on the floor, I'm struggling to get the swim trunks off of him without getting the poop on me, when Alex announces, loudly (as always, because he is physically incapable of speaking in an indoor voice) and for the whole world to hear: "Mom, I think I dropped my poop in the living room!" right where everyone was standing and could hear. Now, I rarely apologize for my kids being, well, just kids....and this was one of those moments. So I just laughed and prayed for the best. This proves they are true family, too: they all just laughed.

Casey spent the night with us in the hotel room on Friday night and we set out for Busch Gardens on Saturday. It was another great day there. We saw crocodiles, chimpanzees, gorillas, turtles, birds, ducks, elephants, the African show Katonga, and rode the merry-go-round and rode the sky-ride over Busch Gardens. Austin danced the Cha-cha Slide with the deejay and a bunch of other kids, even Alex tried to dance a little. We watched the ride Sheikra, which is an awful, sadistic, twisting, turning ride from hell with two (not one but TWO) 90 degree drops, straight down, and Alex says when he gets bigger, he's going to ride it. Over my dead body.

We concentrated mostly on seeing shows during this trip, because in previous trips, we had already seen a lot of the animal exhibits. One of the shows I wanted to see was the Pirate Adventure in 4-D. Now here's a little background on Alex and pirates. In spite of the fact that he was a pirate for Halloween in 2006, he has since become afraid of pirates, because one of his Aunt Gloria's friends, an old fart named Nobby, got drunk while dressed up as a pirate one time and really became obnoxious going around saying, "aaarrrgggghhhh! I'll make ya walk the plank, matey!" and other such nonsense. He scared Alex. Nobby is an old, English, retired Navy seaman, and to his credit, with his English accent and craggy, sea-worn face, he makes a really great pirate. However, this one particular time, he was sloppy drunk, and really wouldn't let up on little Alex and scared the baby but good. Now, every time we go out to Gloria's, Alex asks, "pirate not gonna be there, right?" This went on for months. And Nobby thought it was a hoot to carry on like that and would not take the hint to stop. Finally, a few months back, Pete had a talk with Nobby and told him that if he kept it up, we wouldn't come out there anymore if he was going to be around, so Nobby had a talk with Alex and explained that the was a good pirate, not a bad pirate, and promised the pirate would never hurt him or scare him again. Since then, Alex has been OK with pirates, though still not his favorite thing, and he would rather go see the animal exhibits while at Busch Gardens.

Now, back to Busch Gardens. We go to see the pirate show. I even got a picture of Alex out front, standing in front of the pirate exhibit. I knew the show was in 4-D. I did not know it was also going to be special effects on the audience. Casey is holding Andrew, and Austin is on my lap. Alex is in a chair by himself next to me. The show starts. It's OK for a while, then when the pirate ship was being tossed about on the ocean, the special effect was to have water squirted on the audience from the backs of the seats immediately in front of us. Then when the pirates were being attacked by wasps, the special effects was a loud, buzzing, vibrating motion in the seats...you get the picture. Austin and Andrew did OK, being babies, I don't think they knew enough of what was going on to be scared. But Alex was another story. As the show progressed, he got more distressed. What really sent him over the edge was when our seats began shaking and even the floor made a snapping effect of some sort. Alex lost it. He began crying and wanted to leave. However, we were in the middle of the aisle, with crowds all around us, and with Austin on my lap, it was hard to get up. Pete and I managed to cover him up and were trying to comfort him and kind of turn him around in his seat so he couldn't see the screen, but the special effects kept coming. He really hated it. We kept patting him and stroking him and reassuring him, "it'll be over in just a few minutes and then we'll leave. It's OK. Mommy and Daddy are here. It's all right." More tears. Austin and Andrew: just fine. Finally, the show ends. The screen shows a pirate on his ship, looking through his pirate looking glass. It says, "The End". We tell Alex, "Look. See. It says The End. It's all over. It's all done." Alex looks up at the movie screen. Sure enough, the pirate's looking glass turns towards the audience and becomes really, really huge and 4-D and appears to come out of the screen and then, one last, final special effect, our seats give a huge pop and jolt and buzz and crackle and everyone screams. Poor Alex just about jumped out of his skin. That really sent him over the edge. So we sit and hold him while the theater clears out and when the lights are back on and we're standing up to leave, my brave, big boy says, "Mommy, can we PLEASE go see the amals [his word for animals] now" I don't know if we'll ever get him to see another pirate movie ever again!

So that about sums up our Busch Gardens adventure. It started to rain, and it was late in the day, so we headed back to the hotel, where we had BBQ leftovers and Alex proceeded to entertain us with his impersonations of all the animals we had seen that day, and Austin danced to some disco music I found in my old boombox. Even Alex and Andrew got in on the dancing. Alex's dancing consisting of him walking backwards in circles with his arms stuck straight out in front of him, singing, "I'm a backhoe, I'm a backhoe" and Andrew sitting on the floor, bopping his head feverishly back and forth to the music. All is all, a great end to a great weekend and a great 4th of July. After breakfast the next morning, after yet another all-nighter with the Triple A Threat, and finally, when we got home, and they were all in their own beds, the boys CRASHED! Blessed sleep for all!

Mother's Day 2008

That was a good weekend: we first went to a Mother's Day banquet at church on Friday night. Mom couldn't make it because of work, of course, but Aunt Chris went and there was dinner and then dancing by a troop of young girls, and singing by some members of our church, and a Mother's Day poem read by a youth in our church.

On Sunday after church, the whole family (us, the boys, Mark, Granny, Pawpaw and Aunt Chris) went back to one of favorite places, the Gateway Grand, where we'd been for our Easter brunch. It was, as always, delicious. Austin had his first bite of chocolate mousse there. After brunch, we came back to our house, where we all exchanged Mother's Day cards and gifts...and unbeknownst to any of us ahead of time, we all got the same thing for each other....a fruit, marshmallow and chocolate Edible Arrangement!

After naps that afternoon, we went to the duck pond to spend a lazy afternoon feeding the ducks. It was a relaxed, enjoyable time, but a lot of other families must have had that idea for Mother's Day too, because the ducks hardly ate any bread at all. But Alex had a good time...he kept running very close to the water's edge, making me a nervous wreck. Austin was fascinated by it all, kept pointing, grunting and yelling, "dat"! But after hours spent there, trudging through duck doo-doo, bird doo-doo, mucky, muddy water, and two poopy diaper changes while there, Alex decided he'd had enough. He announced, loudly and firmly, "Let's go, this place is a mess!"
Discriminating this fella, eh?

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Let me start by making something absolutely clear: I am petrified of snakes. Over-the-top; screaming, hysterical, pathologically afraid of snakes. Don’t try to talk me out of it. It won’t work. Nothing personal, I’m just afraid of snakes.

OK, so here goes the story. It was a Friday night, around 9 or 10. Kids asleep, I settle into a big, comfy chair to cuddle and get some long-overdue alone time with hubby. I’m pretty relaxed, it’s Friday, after all, nothing pressing over the weekend. So I’m looking forward to some kiss and cuddle time. Hubby is channel-surfing and what does he land on? “Snakes on a Plane”. There goes my nice, relaxed, affectionate evening. Hubby has learned, over many years, the HARD way, what the sight of snakes does to me. He doesn’t even try to take me off the ledge. Just a kiss good-night, with a helpful, “go take a Tylenol PM”, and a pat on the back.

The following Sunday, after church and brunch, we’re back at my parents’ house. Alex goes into the backyard with his grandpa. Suddenly, we hear Alex, “mommy, daddy, mommy, daddy” and hear some grunting from my father. We bolt outside and standing in my mother’s vegetable garden is my then-3-year-old, jumping up and down with excitement, pointing and shouting, “Look what PawPaw’s got!” There stands my 75 year old father, with about a 5-foot snake around his arm and shoulder.......(note to self: breathe deeply, you can do this)...then, as if that alone is not enough to cause me to nearly wet my britches, the snake reaches around and bites my dear old dad on the hand...blood, Alex screaming, jumping up and down....my mother screaming at my father, my husband going over to help my dad. I grab both babies, the (then) 8 month old and the 14 month old, and run out the front door of my parents house and into the street, screaming over my shoulder at my husband to grab Alex and follow me. My brother follows me out to try to calm me down (worthless attempt). I’m hyperventilating, the babies are crying, struggling, kicking, thrashing...I start doing the same.

Finally, my mother comes out to tell me it’s safe to return to the house. I very tentatively go out on the porch to find Alex and there, in the corner of the back yard, are my son, my husband and my dad, still with the stupid snake. “We just wanted to let Alex watch is slither under the fence and say bye-bye.” Yeah, right. I told my husband in no uncertain terms that if he did not get Alex and leave with me right away, I would “slither” my own way home with the kids, and he’d be lucky to ever see us again. OK, so I survived that...for the most part.

Sunday evening, 5PM. As a reward for Alex finally becoming fully potty-trained, we talked him out of a rabbit as a pet and into turtles, figuring they’d be less messy and less maintenance. So Mommy and Alex head to the pet store. I feared they’d have snakes there, but figured they’d be in a certain section of the store that I could simply avoid. NOT! We walk into PetSmart and RIGHT THERE, by the cashier, is the SNAKE PIT! Alex is drawn to it, of course. I manage to grab him and half-drag, half-pull my 45 pounder away from the snake tanks, praying to find some nice, safe turtles very quickly. No such luck. We wander around for a few minutes, looking for turtles, and/or for a sales clerk to help us.

No turtles for sale at PetSmart. I am told I need to go to the reptile/snake place on SW 34th Street to find turtles...yeah, when monkeys fly out of my butt will I go in there. Alex is heart-broken, no turtles, so to appease his melodrama and screaming like a banshee, we get some fish and are trying to hustle out of the store before it closes at 6PM.

Now, as I said before the SNAKE PIT is right by the cashier, the only one cashier line open, and I get in line, a LONG line, because they’ve just announced they are closing in ten minutes. I am feeling anxious, but literally turn my back completely on the snakes, close my eyes, and pray for an express line to open up. Alex keeps wandering over there to the snakes. I’m trying to carry my gorilla-sized purse, three cups of fish, the new fish tank, the gravel, the accessories, the fish flakes, all while standing in the middle of my worst nightmare: 3 feet from a squirming, writhing, slithery pack of snakes. (FYI: I’m actually shaking right now just remembering).

I keep walking with my back turned, trying to drag Alex away from the snakes, and keep the fish from spilling and from losing my purse. Alex keeps going back. He’s now joined by a man with an older boy, who both seem to find great delight in my obvious distress (i.e., coronary). The boy appears to really want to educate Alex about these awful, hideous creatures, and Alex is lapping it up, oblivious to the onset of my mounting panic attack.

This continues for several minutes, me grabbing Alex, him running back, me panting and choking up and Alex laughing. Then, one of the snakes starts slithering up the side of the tank, belly-ing up, and that older boy taps the glass to point out something to Alex. The snake rears it’s head back and snaps or spits or strikes, or something, I don’t know what, because I’m now screaming and shaking and sobbing, having abandoned the fish, my purse and just grabbing Alex to run.

A very nice lady, a mom, comes over to me and asks if I need help....can she call someone for me, etc. One of the clerks comes over and gathers up all my stuff and moves it to the far, far register, away from the snakes. Alex finally sees Mommy totally going bat-bleep crazy, and decides he better shape up and help out.

They get me some water, hover over me, probably fearing they’ll need to call the cops or DCF on this wack job of a mom. I’m crying, hiccupping, shaking, sweating, beet-red, and finally manage to explain that it’s not my child I’m upset with, it’s my (I told you so) pathological fear of snakes. They offer to help me out to my car, again offer to call someone, everyone is being very nice and kind and understanding, but still looking at me like you would a rabid dog, or a mental-institute escapee.

We manage to make our purchases, get out of the snake pit, and, wouldn’t you know it, as we’re walking back to the car, me trembling along the sidewalk in front of PetSmart and towards Goody’s, fish and son in hand, the palm trees that are growing out of that center area (for those of you who know what and where I”m talking about), have a lot of roots coming up out of the ground, twisting, curling, curving around and about, looking like: you guessed it: SNAKES!

Naturally, last night, all I dreamed about were snakes....and this morning, my husband is playing some ska and reggae music from the St. Vincent carnival and on the cover of the CD shows the carnival parade, with people dressed up as a paper dragon, kind of like Chinese new year, which, to my tired, swollen and crusty eyes this morning, looked for all the world like a SNAKE.

That was just not my weekend, eh?

Vacation 2008

Our Memorial Day mini-vacation for 2008 got started much like it did in May of 2007:
with a true test of our patience and determination. We got packed, loaded, everyone was in the van, we start to back out the driveway and Pete pushes the button on the remote to close the garage door. The garage door, previously having had no problems whatsoever, jumps off its tracks and crashes to the ground, crumpling and shattering all the glass that was in the garage door windows! It was like it was possessed...by our recurrent vacation demons. Naturally, we stopped, got out of the van and checked out the damage and what could be done about it....all the while with Alex jumping up and down with excitement, screaming, "Look! See! What happened? What we gonna do? We gonna fix it? We gonna call a bulldozer to clean it up? We gonna call a high lift to pick it up?" Only Alex would find sheer and utter delight in such a nuisance. We did the only thing we could do on late Friday afternoon holiday weekend: we got back in the van and drove off on vacation.

The first day at SeaWorld was somewhat uneventful, except for the thunderstorm we got caught in....of all places, at the sting ray lagoon and shark tank! We were there when the thunderstorm hit out of nowhere...buckets of rain, thunder, lightning, so we were stuck there. At least is was under cover. But what made me anxious after about 20 minutes was that so many people were crowded in there, trying to get cover from the rain, and it was crowded and loud and noisy and thundering, it made the sharks and sting rays anxious, and they started snapping and jumping up near the top of the water...all with my babies right there! I was really getting nervous, and we were stuck in there for about 45 minutes! What a heart-thudding time! We also visited Turtle Point, and saw the show, "Blue Horizons" (the dolphin show) and "The Adventures of Clyde and Seamore" where Alex got to feed the sea otters! We also visited the Dolphin Cove and the dolphin nursery, where mommy and new born baby dolphins are kept! The guy narrating about the dolphin nursery was named Alex, and at one point, we were standing immediately to his right, when Austin grabbed his microphone and bellowed into it, to be broadcast far and wide, in his own high-pitched, demon-summoning, ear-piercing way, "dadadadada, bobobobobobob, b000000b000000, deeeeeedeeeeee, mamamamamamama!" Yes, we have arrived! Leave it to my crew to make their presence known at SeaWorld!

The second day was a lot better, the rain from the day before had cooled things off considerably, and the day was very pleasant. We visited Shamu's Happy Harbour (a toddler playground) and saw the Clydesdale horses in a parade, visited the Manatee exhibit (no goldfish turds this year), and visited the Antarctic exhibit, where we saw the penguin habitat, the polar bear exhibit, walruses and whales. The walruses absolutely fascinated Alex, the kept performing, swimming around, rubbing their faces and butts and bellies on the rocks in the aquarium...Alex just loved them, their whiskers, their tusks, their flippers....I'm expecting any day now to be asked if we can get one and keep it in our bathtub at home!

Our third day there, Alex won a SpongeBob Square Pants stuffed...(not animal, not doll) stuffed....SPONGE from the giant claw machine at the midway! He's not a huge SpongeBob fan, but you'd have thought he won a million dollars, he was so proud of that sponge! We saw a very unique circus show called Odyssea where it proved that SeaWorld has acrobatic talent to rival Las Vegas! It was a fascinating show, but it didn't hold the kids' attention long. Luckily it was a short show! Of course, we had to see the show, "Believe", which is the Shamu show. It never fails to amaze and entertain, and Alex got a necklace made out of a wooden carving of a whale's tail as a souvenir!

And lastly, the show Alex really wanted to see was "Pets Ahoy"! It's a stage show done entirely by trained pets: cats, dogs, birds and pot-bellied pigs. No people, just pets. Every time on each day there, by the time we got to the theater, the show was full or had already started, or had been canceled due to a stage prop malfunction....so here it was, our last day, and it was mid-afternoon...we were going to see this show one way or another! We get in a LONG line, outside in the heat, and then inside a hot, crowded hallway.... and wait. FINALLY, we get in there. We get our seats, settle in, and are waiting for the show to begin when, guess what, Alex falls asleep! We tried to wake him, but he would NOT wake up! We enjoyed the show, but were nervous about the hissy fit to come when Alex woke up and realized he missed the show. And while he was sprawled out sleeping, he also pooped his pants! And the diaper bag is outside with the parked stroller. So that was fun. When the show ended, the animal handlers invited everyone to come down to the stage and meet and greet the animals. So Pete took the babies outside and Alex and I (when he woke up at the end of the show) get at the end of a long line to meet the animals. I don't know how else to say this, but this huge dog that had been in the show, that is now at the opposite end of the line we're standing in smells Alex. His dirty diaper, I mean. So this sweet, gentle, although huge, hairy dog, makes a beeline for Alex. For Alex's rear end, to be exact. I'm trying to pull Alex away, he's reaching for the dog, wanting to pet and play with him, and the dog is sniffing and trying to put his nose down Alex's pants, and the dog's handler is pulling, tugging, trying to get the dog back to the front of the line where he belongs! What fun! I'm praying no one figures out why this dog has made such instant best
friends with my son's butt! I didn't want to give Alex a tantrum by dragging him out of the theater without seeing the animals, especially since he'd missed the show! But I also don't want this beautiful white show dog to reach down Alex's drawers and come up with the noseful of poop, either! Lord, please help me!

Eventually, Alex got squirmy from the dirty diaper, the trainers took the animals backstage, and we left. Whew! But, the fun isn't over yet, because Alex still wants to see the show! So, we've done everything else there is to do, it's late in the day, and by the time I change three boys' diapers and get a cold drink, the next show is in 20 minutes, so Pete takes Austin for a walk by the sprinklers and the little "beach" area they have, and Mommy, Alex and Andrew get back in line for the show. For me, it was just as enjoyable the second time in a row, even more so, because Alex truly loved, loved, loved the show. It was worth standing in that hot line just to watch Alex's face and eyes and smile light up every time a new animal took the stage and did a stunt. Truly, there's nothing like having kids to really wake you up to the joy and fun that is all around us...if we'll just take the time to look and see.

So this time, at the end of the show, Alex wants to pet the animals again. Stand in line again for that, this time without big dogs making beelines for Alex's butt, and for some reason, Alex becomes very, very timid. He loves animals, and it's only cats and dogs on stage for the meet and greet, and he's been around cats and dogs since birth! So I don't know all of a sudden why he got so timid. He kept going to the back of the line to "just watch, Mommy". Finally, the line is down to just us and a couple of other kids, and the animals are waiting to be petted. Alex kept saying, over and over and over again, "do they have big teeth, Mommy? Will they bite me, Mommy?" Over and over...he'd reach his hand out and then pull it back. I was petting the animals, Andrew was petting the animals, but Alex was so afraid of their "big teeth" and getting "bit" he barely managed to touch the pets. So after a few minutes of this, he says "thank you" to the animal handlers, and then, of all things, loudly announces, "now it's time to go play with the sharks!" Uh, hello, he's afraid of big teeth and getting bit by a little kitten, but he wants to go play with the sharks? Everyone cracked up at that announcement! As I've said many times before, only Alex!

Time for a Trim!

Alex and Austin decided to play barber shop one day. Both boys were in the bathroom while Pete was dressing and shaving for Family Dinner Night, and Alex was watching Pete very closely while Pete used his side burn trimmer. He asked questions, Pete answered questions, and when Pete put it up and away after he was done, he made the colossal mistake of turning his back for one moment. The boys got ahold of the sideburn trimmer, took it outside, Austin sat down on the steps and bent his head down, and Alex proceeded to shave Austin's head! Yep, our middle son is now known as baboon butt! We don't even know what to do with it. There is no pattern to it. Just one big streak on the top, middle of his head, and then a big, round spot on the back of his head. Pete says at least Austin looks a little like him now.

When Pete found them, he had to walk away, he was laughing so hard. It was much later before he could actually talk to Alex about the possible dangers of what he had just done, without laughing. Austin doesn't seem to mind it, and it's only hair: it'll grow back. But it is funny looking, to see our little, round jock Austin, now with this weird, half-reverse mohawk haircut! When Austin gets older, I'm afraid Alex is going to have to look out! At the very least, I'm sure Austin will wait until one night when Alex is asleep and then paint his fingernails, or draw a magic-marker mustache on Alex, or both! Boys!