A cautionary tale...learn as a couple of middle agers (HE with already grown kids) adopt a multi-ethnic handful of babies...if you're up to witnessing a thermo nuclear sized meltdown, this is the place to be!
Thursday, October 7, 2010
2009 began with a bang, but how could it not with my three boys? It was the first weekend of 2009, a Saturday morning....ah, let me reflect briefly on my life BC (before children). Saturday morning meant sleeping late, waking up to throw in a load of laundry and a start a pot of coffee. I would sit in the kitchen of my old, old as in former, house, at the kitchen counter and beside the sliding glass doors looking out over my backyard. I would watch the birds and squirrels in my backyard, thinking over various gardening projects, drink my wonderful, hot coffee, cup after cup, smell the freshly scented fabric softener I used in my load of laundry, read the newspaper, leisurely, and listen to the soothing sounds of Bach, Brahms or Beethoven on my CD player. My morning would slowly unfold as I would plan my day, my weekend, and the next week.
The first Saturday of 2009 began with the Triple A Threat careening through the house like rabid monkeys on espresso, with a Red Bull chaser. Alex leading the pack, of course, with his brothers chasing him, pushing, pulling and dragging things down on the floor behind him to inhibit his brothers' chase. Austin probably had a boat or another tub toy with him, and a bottle, and Andrew took up the rear, dragging his disheveled mee-moo (favorite blanket) behind him.
Alex, at some point, grabbed the kitchen phone and inadvertently dialed 911. The operator answered and, hearing chaos and not getting an intelligent reply, dispatched a car to our house. Glad to know our tax dollars pay for some very efficient law enforcement prevention in this town; however, in this instance, law enforcement was not needed....well, not very much, at any rate...I do have three boys, so ya never know.
So I get up, not even having had half a cup of cold coffee yet, and am rolling through the house, bitching and moaning about all the mess. "Good Lord, isn't it bad enough I can't even sleep late on the one morning of the week that I don't have to go anywhere? What's going on around here? What's all this mess? Who did all this? Where are you boys?"
Me, tripping over yet another toy in the kitchen, still in my raggedy Bob Marley T-shirt and paint-stained sweat pants, hair all over the place like I'd stuck my finger in a light socket, hollered, "Who the hell is this? Who in their right mind rings someone's door bell at 7:30 on a Saturday morning? It's better not be...."
Yank open door. See (LARGE) police officer, with his hand on this piece. Uh-oh.
"Um, good morning, officer, can I help you?" Immediately upon seeing all the blood drain from my face, because I figured the neighbors had finally had enough of my human wrecking crew and had called the po-pos, my boys ran to my side to see who was at our door. All three of them, with saggy, smelly pull-ups, sleep-encrusted eyes, bare feet, and their odd assortment of crapola that they carry with them at all times.
"Is everything OK here, ma'am? Because we got a 911 call from this address."
"You did? Huh? We didn't call 911!"
"Well, someone here dialed 911 and didn't say anything, but the operator heard a lot of yelling and screaming and things falling and crashing. So since we couldn't get a response from anyone on the phone, the operator is required to dispatch a unit to do a well-being check, just to make sure everyone is OK, that no one is....."
Me, interrupting him, "yeah, yeah, yeah, no one is being murdered or anything. I get it. Well, I'm sure it sounded that way, because it always sounds that way around here, but we're all OK....as OK as it gets in this house."
Alex, to officer, "Hey, cop, can I shoot your gun?"
Me, dying here, "ALEX!"
Officer: "No, buddy, I sure can't let you do that...."
Alex, interrupting, "Hey, officer, you wanna come in and play with me and my brudders, and we can play cops and bad guys?"
Austin and Andrew, now jumping up and down, chiming in: "yeah, yeah, yeah, shoot gun!"
Well, we don't call them the Triple A Threat for nuthin'!
The officer laughed, said he understood because he has kids of his own, and just gave the boys a warning about playing with the phone, and listening to their Mommy! Off he went, to right real crime, and left me with....3 boys. No need for coffee anymore, my adrenaline was roaring through my veins by now.
Have and seat and take notes reading all about my thermo nuclear meltdown in raising a Handful. There's a Husband, too, which puts me in charge of a six-pack. Most days, our house looks like Bagdad, sounds like the Exorcist, and some days, even smells like a toxic waste site, but we still manage to have some fun!
The Triple A Threat: Alex (the one who NEVER stops talking EVER, Runs 24/7 a constant, verbal monologue, EVEN IN HIS SLEEP; a/k/a He Who Never Shuts Up), Austin (talks not so much and not very often, but rather, when he does talk, it is a deep, boom, barrelling baritone that shakes the foundation of the house), Andrew (the baby boy, who has high-pitched, piercing, shrieking squeal that will peel the wallpaper right down)
The Grandparents: My mom and dad (Howard and Jean) and my Aunt and Uncle (Al and Nell)
Uncle and Aunt from MY side: Aunt Chris (a/k/a Aunt Boo-Boo) and Uncle Mark (my brother)
Alex - Boomer (by us when he was a baby, coz he was so big); A-wex (by Austin and Andrew)
Austin - Peanut (by us when he was a newborn, coz he was so tiny); Bruiser (by us when he rapidly began putting on weight as an infant); and, at varying times by Alex, the following: Hop-A-Long (when Austin began crawling and following Alex); Rooti-Tooti (stuck for a long time); Atchoo (maybe because Austin sneezed?); Apple (your guess is as good as mine); and Water Hose (Don't Ask); Ottin (what Austin calls himself)
Marley - Ma-wee (by Austin and Andrew); Molly (by Alex); My Precious Princess (by Alex); Miss M
Andrew - Wizard (by us, because he had such a wise, knowing expression as a newborn) and Mody (by Alex....??????); Mop Top (when his hair turned to dreaklocks); An-woo (by Austin), Woo-woo; Little Woo
During Alex's marine-life naming phase: Daddy: dolphin; Mommy: whale (gee, thanks, Alex) ; Alex: fish; Austin: fish
To his grandpa when gramps took him to a HUGE toy store and Alex saw a truck loak of construction equipment toys: "Paw-paw, I'm in heaven!"
Austin my best pal!
Paw-paw my best buddy!
In attempting to train Alex to NOT interrupt when others are talking: when I am interrupted by Alex, I say, "Excuse me! I am talking!" To which Alex replies, "Mommy, go to work at talk to Annie Annie!"
Singing Ozzy Osbourne's "Crazy Train" at bedtime, along with his ABC's.
Everybody happy? Mommy, you happy? Daddy, you happy? Everybody happy? Everybody make a happy face and SMILE!
"Oh, no! Baby wake!"
"Dose" for fruit snacks...usually because Alex has some of "dose" in his hand
"Na-na" for open this?
"Da-my" (sounds like Tommy) when we wants Daddy and Mommy
"Ma-dy" (sounds like body) when we wants both Mommy and Daddy
Austin hugging everyone (and everyething) in sight, saying, "Mommy! Watch!"
Alex's First Parent-Teacher Conference: Alex is a great kid!
A decent night of sleep!
Alex telling everyone that his brother Austin is his best pal!
My new dining room outfit!
Alex's 4th birthday party: A Great Success!
Narcotic pain relievers for that nagging lower back pain
Our New Van....
Seeing Andrew's birth mother this weekend and her joining us at our adoption support group Christmas party, where Daddy played Santa again!
Teaching children (including my Alex) the meaning of advent in my church 3- and 4-year old Sunday School class. What delights!
Seeing my oldest son in his very first ever Christmas musical performance! He rocked!
Alex telling me "Mom, you da bomb!" just because I brought home cheese from Publix. (???)
Austin helping Mommy unload the dishwasher, bending down and taking every single item out, one single item at a time, then reaching up to hand it to me, while screaming in his own, unique, Austin pitch: "Mommy! He-yah! (here)".
Alex telling me that he forgives me and that "we're still best friends, Mommy" when I apologized for yelling at them earlier.
Getting to spend Thanksgiving with my family AND I DIDN'T HAVE TO COOK!
Austin...sleeping through the night
A bouquet of pink flowers from my guys....just because!
Plans to Shop, Shop, Shop after T-Day!
Andrew's surgery for yesterday was cancelled! His hand his healing, according to his doctor, "better than expected!"
Hearing Alex said that he is friends with his schoolmate Maggie, "even if she is a gu-wul"
Hearing Alex insist on, and then saying, the entire blessing of our meal, and including a blessing for his new nephew, Felix, who came for a visit
Momma to Alex: "Do you how much I love you?" Alex to Momma: " A bunch?" Momma to Alex: "Yes, but do you know how big of bunch I love you?" Alex to Momma: "A bunch of much-es?" Momma to Alex: "That's right!" Alex to Momma: "That how much-es I love you, too!"
Things That Make Momma Not Happy
A sick hubby!
Alex and Austin dumping my bed pillows in the bath tub!
All in one weekend, a broken glass, a broken picture frame and a broken perfume bottle!
3 nights of non-sleep!
Two sick babies at home!
Hubby completely burning and ruining (to the point of having to throw them out) two, not one but TWO, very nice baking pans in one week! Stay outta my kitchen!
Hubby breaking the glass shelves in my new china cabinet the first night!
When there is at least one child awake every hour from sundown to sunup. Every night!
This nagging lower back pain
Alex figuring it out that it was Daddy playing Santa at the Christmas party.
The price of a new van.....Santa, care to help us out?
Having to shop for a new van! The week before Christmas....with 3 squirmy kids....and company on the way....and a party to attend...and food to cook, gifts to wrap...you get the drift!
Finding dirty silverware and dirty glasses in the kitchen cupboards and drawers
Husbands that keep the volume on the television AS LOUD AS IT WILL GO!
Having to get up at 4:00 AM to bring in Christmas presents from the trunk of my car to hide them in the guest bath so the kids don't see them!
**cough, cough** Someone spending approximately 36 waking hours over the weekend watching football...and that someone was NOT Momma, coz she did 36 loads of laundry!
Realizing that I yelled at the kids - for no real good reason
Since I didn't cook for Thanksgiving, NO LEFTOVERS all weekend!
Another broken glass...that makes 5 this week!
Borrowing my car and leaving the radio turned up FULL BLAST, so that the next time I get in the car to go to work, my eardrums are removed without assistance of anesthesia!
Four, Count 'em: 4! Broken glasses in one day! Four!
Leaning in for a hug and kiss from Austin, Austin all puckered up and leaning towards me, and then, instead of a kiss, I get a scream, so loud and so highly pitched, that only dogs and the mentally insane can hear it! What does that make me?
Telling Mommy to "move, big butt"
Austin, S.C.R.E.A.M.I.N.G. every single, solitary minute from 2:10 AM on Saturday morning, until 10:50 AM on the same Saturday morning, even though it felt like a week!
Husbands that shuffle their feet when they walk down the hard-wood floor hallway