Thursday, October 7, 2010
2009 began with a bang, but how could it not with my three boys? It was the first weekend of 2009, a Saturday morning....ah, let me reflect briefly on my life BC (before children). Saturday morning meant sleeping late, waking up to throw in a load of laundry and a start a pot of coffee. I would sit in the kitchen of my old, old as in former, house, at the kitchen counter and beside the sliding glass doors looking out over my backyard. I would watch the birds and squirrels in my backyard, thinking over various gardening projects, drink my wonderful, hot coffee, cup after cup, smell the freshly scented fabric softener I used in my load of laundry, read the newspaper, leisurely, and listen to the soothing sounds of Bach, Brahms or Beethoven on my CD player. My morning would slowly unfold as I would plan my day, my weekend, and the next week.
The first Saturday of 2009 began with the Triple A Threat careening through the house like rabid monkeys on espresso, with a Red Bull chaser. Alex leading the pack, of course, with his brothers chasing him, pushing, pulling and dragging things down on the floor behind him to inhibit his brothers' chase. Austin probably had a boat or another tub toy with him, and a bottle, and Andrew took up the rear, dragging his disheveled mee-moo (favorite blanket) behind him.
Alex, at some point, grabbed the kitchen phone and inadvertently dialed 911. The operator answered and, hearing chaos and not getting an intelligent reply, dispatched a car to our house. Glad to know our tax dollars pay for some very efficient law enforcement prevention in this town; however, in this instance, law enforcement was not needed....well, not very much, at any rate...I do have three boys, so ya never know.
So I get up, not even having had half a cup of cold coffee yet, and am rolling through the house, bitching and moaning about all the mess. "Good Lord, isn't it bad enough I can't even sleep late on the one morning of the week that I don't have to go anywhere? What's going on around here? What's all this mess? Who did all this? Where are you boys?"
Me, tripping over yet another toy in the kitchen, still in my raggedy Bob Marley T-shirt and paint-stained sweat pants, hair all over the place like I'd stuck my finger in a light socket, hollered, "Who the hell is this? Who in their right mind rings someone's door bell at 7:30 on a Saturday morning? It's better not be...."
Yank open door. See (LARGE) police officer, with his hand on this piece. Uh-oh.
"Um, good morning, officer, can I help you?" Immediately upon seeing all the blood drain from my face, because I figured the neighbors had finally had enough of my human wrecking crew and had called the po-pos, my boys ran to my side to see who was at our door. All three of them, with saggy, smelly pull-ups, sleep-encrusted eyes, bare feet, and their odd assortment of crapola that they carry with them at all times.
"Is everything OK here, ma'am? Because we got a 911 call from this address."
"You did? Huh? We didn't call 911!"
"Well, someone here dialed 911 and didn't say anything, but the operator heard a lot of yelling and screaming and things falling and crashing. So since we couldn't get a response from anyone on the phone, the operator is required to dispatch a unit to do a well-being check, just to make sure everyone is OK, that no one is....."
Me, interrupting him, "yeah, yeah, yeah, no one is being murdered or anything. I get it. Well, I'm sure it sounded that way, because it always sounds that way around here, but we're all OK....as OK as it gets in this house."
Alex, to officer, "Hey, cop, can I shoot your gun?"
Me, dying here, "ALEX!"
Officer: "No, buddy, I sure can't let you do that...."
Alex, interrupting, "Hey, officer, you wanna come in and play with me and my brudders, and we can play cops and bad guys?"
Austin and Andrew, now jumping up and down, chiming in: "yeah, yeah, yeah, shoot gun!"
Well, we don't call them the Triple A Threat for nuthin'!
The officer laughed, said he understood because he has kids of his own, and just gave the boys a warning about playing with the phone, and listening to their Mommy! Off he went, to right real crime, and left me with....3 boys. No need for coffee anymore, my adrenaline was roaring through my veins by now.